Find Page One on APPLE PODCASTS or STITCHER.
(Background noise might make this episode a challenging listen.)
Episode image is a detail from the cover of Memoir From Antproof Case by Mark Helprin, published in 2002 by Perennial; cover art by Tim O’Brien.
For this, the very first outside recording of the Second Hand Book Factory, Charles Adrian’s guest is singer and self-confessed Gilligan avatar Ted Schmitz. Starting this recording with the remains of his guest’s blueberry muffin in his mouth may not have been the best plan for Charles Adrian but the people of the Royal Festival Hall, where the recording takes place, do not seem to mind. What follows is something that radio producers might call an atmospheric recording. This is Page One On The Run!
Memoir From Antproof Case by Mark Helprin was also discussed in Page One 164.
This episode was recorded at the Royal Festival Hall for London Fields Radio.
Other present and past ensemble members of Nico and the Navigators featured on the podcast include Patric Schott (Page One 44), Marcel Schwald (Page One 50), Filippo Andreatta (Page One 51) and Soojin Anjou (Page One 99).
This episode has been edited to remove music that is no longer covered by licence for this podcast.
A transcript of this episode is below.
Episode released: 9th April, 2013.
Book listing:
Hello Spot by Eric Hill
Ethics For The New Millennium by His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Three Men In A Boat by Jerome K. Jerome
Memoir From Antproof Case by Mark Helprin
Links:
Episode transcript:
Music
[Through The Years by Sarah Vaughan]
Jingle
You're listening... you're listening... to London Fields Radio.
Charles Adrian
Hello. That was Through The Years by Sarah Vaughan, which I played for my guest today, Ted Schmitz, because I thought he might appreciate that. I've been wanting to play that for ages. I think it's an absurd track and I... I've been waiting for somebody who might... who might like that.
Ted Schmitz
I love it. We've discussed...
Charles Adrian
We have.
Ted Schmitz
We've pre-show disgussed it.
Charles Adrian
With particular reference to her vibrato.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
So this is... this is Charles Adrian for Page One On The Run, as it were - the Second Hand Book Factory... outside recording. We're here in the Festival Hall today with... with Ted Schmitz, as I said, for London Fields Radio. It feels very strange for me not to be in the studio so I'm getting used to this... this new set-up. I should ask you, Ted, before we start, how do you... how do you describe yourself? How do you define yourself?
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] Well, I saw... I did have a listen to some of the other shows and I saw this question and I thought...
Charles Adrian
Have you been preparing?
Ted Schmitz
I thought I'd better prepare because it's a very hard one to ask. [laughs]
Charles Adrian
It is. I mean, you can just say “singer” if you want. That's absolutely fine.
Ted Schmitz
I don't know. I think... I think... I was thinking about it and... Do you know the show Gilligan's Island?
Charles Adrian
I've heard of it. I've never seen it.
Ted Schmitz
Okay. Well, people go on a three-hour tour and they get stuck and their boat crashes and they end up on a tropical island. And they live there and there are different people who have roles on the island...
Charles Adrian
[laughing] Okay.
Ted Schmitz
... all of them ridiculous. There's a movie star, there's a millionaire couple and there's a professor who can, you know, make anything out of shells and... you know...
Charles Adrian
Uh huh. Yeah.
Ted Schmitz
So. And then there's Gilligan and the skipper. And if the... I was thinking, if the whole world were on the Gilligan boat...
Charles Adrian
[laughing] Yes.
Ted Schmitz
… [laughing] and we landed on an island, then I would probably be Gilligan. I cannot make a gramophone out of a shell... [laughs]
Charles Adrian
But you could make the sound of a gramophone using your voice.
Ted Schmitz
[laughing] Yes.
Charles Adrian
”Ted Schmitz: Gilligan.”
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
I think that's what I'm going to put on the website. And you're also the... the proud parent of baby Grace...
Ted Schmitz
Of course.
Charles Adrian
... who is lovely. Has she learned to say Adrian yet?
Ted Schmitz
It was her first word. [laughs]
Charles Adrian
Yeah. [laughs] It was inevitable, I think.
Ted Schmitz
[laughing] Stupid.
Charles Adrian
[laughs] Let's move to the book that you've brought that you like.
Ted Schmitz
Okay. Well, the first book I brought...
Charles Adrian
[affirmative] Mmm hmm. [laughs] Aww!
Ted Schmitz
This is one that my baby really likes. This is called Hello Spot by Eric Hill. And the first is... you must wave hello like... Just imagine, listeners, a cute little bear who does things. He pops out of the centre of the [laughing] page.
Charles Adrian
[quietly] I think it's a dog.
Ted and Charles Adrian
[laughter]
Ted Schmitz
Or... yes, a dog. And this is my favourite one...
Charles Adrian
You're going to have to... It's radio, Ted. [laughing] You're going to have to describe what's going on.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] He covers his eyes. And he's so cute. And you have to cover your eyes. Anyway, that's not my first book.
Ted and Charles Adrian
[laughter]
Ted Schmitz
[clears throat] My first book that I like is... this is a book by the Dalai Lama, actually, called Ethics For The New Millennium. Now, it's not a religious book and he makes no attempts at that but it... it's, sort of, practical advice for living in a modern world...
Charles Adrian
Okay.
Ted Schmitz
... from his perspective. And it sort of has three sections where at the beginning he discusses that... that we should have a spiritual... a call for a spiritual revolution.
Charles Adrian
[affirmative] Mmm hmm.
Ted Schmitz
And then the middle section gets into very much a diagnosis of... of human behaviour.
Charles Adrian
[affirmative] Mmm hmm.
Ted Schmitz
And then the last section I find really interesting, which is how it relates to the world on a macro level. So there are... Anyway.
Charles Adrian
So read us the first page.
Ted Schmitz
Having lost my country at the age of sixteen and become a refugee at twenty-four, I have faced a great many difficulties during the course of my life. When I consider these, I see a lot of them were insurmountable: not only were they unavoidable, they were incapable of favourable resolution. Nonetheless, in terms of my own peace and my own mind and physical health, I can claim to have coped reasonably well. As a result, I have been able to meet adversity with all my resources - mental, physical and spiritual. I could not have done so otherwise. Looking around, I see that it is only we [sic]... not only we Tibetan refugees and members of other displaced communities who face difficulties. Everywhere and in every society people endure suffering and adversity. Even those who enjoy freedom...
Basta.
Charles Adrian
Thank you.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
It's... Yeah. [indistinct]
Ted Schmitz
I mean, it's not quite Hello Spot.
Charles Adrian
No. It has... it has less of the joie de vivre of the... of the hand puppet...
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
... but I could imagine the Dalai Lama saying: “Cover your eyes...
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] Yes.
Charles Adrian
... like I am covering mine and see with the soul.”
Ted Schmitz
[speaking over] “And wave like I wave.”
Charles Adrian
Yes. [clears throat] Okay, great. Now, I'm going to come on to the first track that you have suggested. You gave me a little list, which was really nice. Now, I've picked... I could... I couldn't really resist. I've picked, for the first one, Schubert's An Die Musik...
Ted Schmitz
[affirmative] Mmm hmm.
Charles Adrian
... which I think is gorgeous.
Ted Schmitz
It's so beautiful.
Charles Adrian
[speaking over] I love it. I love it. Have you sung this?
Ted Schmitz
I have never actually sung the song. I...
Charles Adrian
Do you... Do you sing Schubert?
Ted Schmitz
Yes.
Charles Adrian
Good. Good. I don't think we could be friends if...
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
... if you didn't. And this is... I didn't actually look up who the singer is. There's Fritz Wunderlich and Hubert Giesen.
Ted Schmitz
[affirmative] Mmm hmm.
Charles Adrian
Which one is the singer and which the pianist?
Ted Schmitz
Fritz Wunderlich is the tenor and he is...
Charles Adrian
Okay.
Ted Schmitz
He and Pavarotti are my favourite tenors in the world.
Charles Adrian
Great. Well. So enjoy this everyone. This is Schubert's An Die Musik sung by Fritz Wunderlich with Hubert Giesen on the piano.
Music
[Schubert's An Die Musik by Fritz Wunderlich and Hubert Giesen]
Charles Adrian
So that was Schubert's An Die Musik sung by Fritz Wunderlich. Now, the second part of the show is the book that I think Ted should have...
Ted Schmitz
All right! Yay!
Charles Adrian
And so I sometimes forget this. It's not just the book that I want to give you but it's the book that I think you should have. And I... I've been thinking... So, you're... as we said earlier, you're a new parent. You don't necessarily have a lot of concentration. I noticed that on the phone the other day. It's quite difficult when you have a child, isn't it, to really sustain concentration over...
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] [indistinct]
Charles Adrian
[speaking over] ... over a period of longer than a couple of minutes. So what I thought was... That's not a criticism. That's just a...
Ted Schmitz
A fact.
Charles Adrian
That's just an observation. I thought you should... I thought I should give you this. This is one of my favourite books. It's... it's Jerome K. Jerome's Three Men in a Boat.
Ted Schmitz
[affirmative] Mmm.
Charles Adrian
Have you ever read this?
Ted Schmitz
No.
Charles Adrian
Well, I... I absolutely recommend it. It's so much fun. It's a very silly book. It's a Victorian book and so it has that wonderful Victorian thing of... He writes at the beginning of each chapter what you're going to see in the chapter. So if you do get lost halfway through a chapter, you can just go back and catch up on what you were supposed to be reading about.
Ted Schmitz
[speaking over] Oh, I love it. It's like Harry Potter.
Charles Adrian
Yeah...
Ted Schmitz
Didn't they do that?
Charles Adrian
... [indistinct] Harry Potter?
Ted Schmitz
Do they say…? Oh no, they... I hated that. They tell you... There's a little clue, wasn't there, to tell you what the next chapter was getting into. Or am I wrong?
Charles Adrian
I don't know. Which edition did you read?
Ted Schmitz
I think that happened, like, in the first couple Harry Potters they used to have, like... No. I could be wrong. Or His Dark Materials?
Charles Adrian
[speaking over] I don't remember. It could...
Ted Schmitz
[speaking over] No. No, that didn't do that. I don't know.
Charles Adrian
But it's not... Yeah. It's not totally impossible.
Ted Schmitz
Anyway, sorry. [laughs]
Charles Adrian
It's a while since I read Harry Potter. But yeah, so this does exactly that.
Ted Schmitz
Okay.
Charles Adrian
So you don't have to read it but it's quite nice. So you can... you can refer to it.
Ted Schmitz
[speaking over] I will read it. Of course!
Charles Adrian
So this is... this is... this is Jerome K. Jerome's Three Men In A Boat. This is the first page:
CHAPTER I
Three Invalids - Sufferings of George and Harris - A victim to one hundred and seven fatal maladies - Useful prescriptions - Cure for liver complaint in children - We agree that we are overworked, and need rest - A week on the rolling deep? - George suggests the river - Montmorency lodges an objection - Original motion carried by majority of three to one.
I also just instantly like the way that that sets up what we're going to... [laughing] what we're going to discover. It's quite mysterious.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
THERE were four of us - George, and William Samuel Harris, and myself, and Montmorency. We were sitting in my room, smoking, and talking about how bad we were - bad from a medical point of view I mean, of course.
We were all feeling seedy, and we were getting quite nervous about it. Harris said he felt such extraordinary fits of giddiness come over him at times, that he hardly knew what he was doing ; and then George said that he had fits of giddiness too, and hardly knew what he was doing. With me, it was my liver that was out of order. I knew it was my liver that was out of order, because I had just been reading a patent liver-pill circular, in which were detailed various symptoms by which a man could tell when his liver was out of order. I had them all.
It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with, in its most virulent form. The diagnosis seems in every case to correspond exactly with all the sensations that I have ever felt.
I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a touch - hay fever, I fancy it it was. I got down the book, and read all I came to read ; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into - some fearful, devastating scourge, I know - and, before I had glanced half down the list of ‘premonitory symptoms’, it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.
I sat for a while frozen with horror ; and then in the listless-...
There you go.
Ted Schmitz
I love it.
Charles Adrian
There's your copy of Three Men In A Boat. I think it's glorious and there are some wonderful, wonderful episodes.
Ted Schmitz
Thank you.
Charles Adrian
My pleasure. My pleasure. I hope you enjoy it.
Ted Schmitz
[speaking over] I love that. I love getting books.
Ted and Charles Adrian
[laughter]
Ted Schmitz
I do.
Charles Adrian
I'm going to come to the second track that you suggested...
Ted Schmitz
Oh excellent.
Charles Adrian
This is one...
Ted and Charles Adrian
[laughter]
Charles Adrian
Thank you for introducing me to this.
Ted Schmitz
[speaking over] No problem. Sorry I... You were... I barged in there.
Charles Adrian
No, it's fine. I'll probably edit that out. We've got time constraints...
Ted Schmitz
[laughing] Oh, okay.
Charles Adrian
... so that will be gone. Nobody will know what you said.
Ted Schmitz [laughing] [indistinct]
Charles Adrian
This is... this is Jealous Guy by Donny Hathaway.
Music
[Jealous Guy by Donny Hathaway]
Jingle
London Fields Radio... it's London Fields Radio.
Charles Adrian
So it is. This is... this is London Fields Radio. This is Page One, the Second Hand Book Factory. This is the 30th Page One. I forgot to say that earlier. It's the 20th Second Hand Book Factory. I'm Charles Adrian and I'm here at the Royal Festival Hall in London with Ted Schmitz.
Ted Schmitz
Wooooo!
Charles Adrian
On location.
Ted Schmitz
That's right.
Charles Adrian
This is Page One On The Run, which I just made up today, incidentally, that... that phr... Page One On The Run. That's what I'm going to call these location recordings.
Ted Schmitz
You came up with that by yourself?
Charles Adrian
Yup.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
As we were walking from Waterloo to here.
Ted Schmitz
Sometimes, you know, inspiration just falls in your lap.
Charles Adrian
Yup. Now, your book for me, Ted...
Ted Schmitz
[laughs]
Charles Adrian
[laughing] ... the third part of this show - I like to try and keep us to time.
Ted Schmitz
Yes, I understand. Here we go.
Charles Adrian
So here you are getting the book out of your bag as instructed.
Ted Schmitz
[laughing] Just pulling it out. This is...
Charles Adrian
Note to listeners: this is on his laptop but he's going to give it to me later.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] It's... Well, it's kind of interesting.
Charles Adrian
[speaking over] Tell us why... Tell me why you don't have it.
Ted Schmitz
Okay. Because... I sound like Southwest Trains right now but due to severe weather circumstances... [laughs]
Charles Adrian
This is being recorded in January. Remember the great snows of January, people? Those of you who lived in London.
Ted Schmitz
A small flurry nearby and people drive super slow so I... I was either show up late to meet Adrian or...
Charles Adrian
And you... you made the right choice.
Ted Schmitz
... or come with book.
Charles Adrian
Yeah. You came on time.
Ted Schmitz
So, but it is... This... This is by Mark Helprin. It's called Memoir From Antproof Case.
Charles Adrian
Memoir From Aunt Proofcase?
Ted Schmitz
Yes.
Charles Adrian
Okay.
Ted Schmitz
Do you know this?
Charles Adrian
No, I've never heard of it.
Ted Schmitz
Do you know Mark Helprin?
Charles Adrian
No.
Ted Schmitz
Well, for that reason I think that you will... alone you will...
Charles Adrian
Okay.
Ted Schmitz
I think he's wonderful. Should I... Should I read the page first and then discuss?
Charles Adrian
Yeah. Go on.
Ted Schmitz
Shall we do that?
Charles Adrian
[affirmative] Mmm hmm. Yeah, read to me.
Ted Schmitz
Okay. First... The first page... “I Protest the Sexuality of the Brazilians” is the name of the chapter.
CALL ME OSCAR Progresso. Or, for that matter, call me anything you want, as Oscar Progresso is not my name. Nor are Baby Supine, Euclid Chery, Franklyn Nuts, or any of the other aliases that, now and then over the years, I have been forced to adopt. No one knows my real name anymore: it's been too long. And all the things that I myself once knew are like a ship glittering in the dark, moving away from me as I am left in homely silence. My time is drawing to a close, so I thought I would take one last shot.
Here [sic] you have it, the chronicle of my failure and i... [sic] and my isolation, which are told through victory, and of my victories, which are told through failure and isolation: loneliness, really. My life has not been simple, but I am sure of my story.
Though you may not be half as peculiar as I am, if you separate out all [sic] your vanities and illusions, the petty titles to which you hold fast by and which you are defined [sic]... by which you are defined, the abstract and...
Charles Adrian
Cool. I... Sometimes I try to guess the next words but I don't think I'm even going to hazard a guess there. That's amazing. I love... I love the chapter title and I love the first sentence. I think that's just... it's brilliant.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] It is.
Charles Adrian
It's so much fun.
Ted Schmitz
His writing is so exciting, I think. The style is just like... I find him really funny. You either find it funny or you don't...
Charles Adrian
[speaking over] Mmm hmm. Yeah.
Ted Schmitz
... and that's... that's, like, a starting point, you know...
Charles Adrian
Yes.
Ted Schmitz
... for these types of books that he writes.
Charles Adrian
[speaking over] Yes.
Ted Schmitz
But...
Charles Adrian
I find... Even that first sentence I find funny.
Ted Schmitz
But then...
Charles Adrian
Or that first couple of sentences. Yes.
Ted Schmitz
Yeah, yeah. And... But then, as you get... because he's... he's actually quite farcical in this book and... and some of his others but then as you get on he'll come out of this comedy with some lucid, you know, poignant statement about the nature of our lives and you're just, like... And he has this lyrical... He'll go into these lyrical passages where you're just like...
Charles Adrian
[speaking over] Mmm.
Ted Schmitz
”Where am I? I...” It's such... It's... it's great stuff and I really like th... He writes... he's written Winter's Tale and A Soldier Of The Great War and those are a little more serious but, for my taste, this was my favourite of his. And he's actually gone even more farcical in some sections but... There you have it.
Charles Adrian
Wonderful. Thank you very much, Ted. I look forward to receiving my copy of this book.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] It is...
Charles Adrian
[laughs] Um...
Ted Schmitz
I just see you looking at me thinking: “I'm editing these words out.”
Ted and Charles Adrian
[laughter]
Charles Adrian
I don't edit for the purposes of my own vanity, Ted. Not only for that. This is the end of the show, though.
Ted Schmitz
Oh! Alas!
Charles Adrian
Yeah.
Ted Schmitz
It was so quick.
Charles Adrian
It was. It's very quick. It's very quick. We only talk for about 15 minutes altogether...
Ted Schmitz
[affirmative] Mmm.
Charles Adrian
...when it's been edited down.
Ted Schmitz
[affirmative] Mmm.
Charles Adrian
And it's been a... it's been a real pleasure. I want to play you a track called Factory by Bands of... Band Of Horses. Do you know Band Of Horses?
Ted Schmitz
No.
Charles Adrian
I think they're lovely. They play... I mean, a lot of their music is of a very similar tone but they're beautiful. And I'm playing you this because I think we have spent so much of our together time in hotels and this song is about spending a lot of time in a hotel.
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] Awesome.
Charles Adrian
So thank you very much, Ted.
Ted Schmitz
Thank you!
Charles Adrian
This is Factory by Band Of Horses.
Ted Schmitz
Yay!
Music
[Factory by Band Of Horses]
Charles Adrian
[laughs]
Ted Schmitz
So, like, a lot of the things I've... Now I'm picturing you going: “This is being edited out.”
Charles Adrian
[laughs]
Ted Schmitz
[laughs] “Ted, you're not very interesting right now.”
Charles Adrian
Yeah. I'm hoping for, yeah, pauses in your stream so that I can... [fades out]
Initial transcription by https://otter.ai]